If you’ve just started watching the total cheesefest that is Eurovision, become your own Wogan on Twitter. Find my commentary here.

Unfortunately, usually I have booze to ease the pain of the bad acts, but tonight I’ve got to stay up to go pick up the other half after a stag do, so it’s not half as fun. Bollocks!

Dealing with the first one, Bosnia & Herzegovina was already pretty bad, but now oooh Spanish Backstreet Boys… with women pretending to play the drums… Cheesy!