Dear Fashionistas (or Wannabes)

I’ve got a bone to pick with women today. No, in fact, two.

Before I get into the first one, here’s my disclaimer: I have a rubbish sense of fashion, I don’t believe in pain for the sake of looking good, so Manolos and Jimmy Choo’s aren’t on my shopping radar, and neither are clothes that actually need ironing before being worn. But I do believe in not inflicting pain upon others by looking dreadful.

LindsayOk, now that it’s out of the way, time to bitch. Can someone explain to me what the attraction to leggings is? I just don’t get why late teens/young 20’s have started wearing ankle length leggings, usually black, but sometimes lurid pinks and blues.

Let me spell out how I feel about Those Who Believe Themselves To Be Fashionable But Are Not: “If you’re short, leggings make you look dumpy and hobbit-like. You’re short, I’m short, don’t make it worse than it already is!” It’s like leggings are an acceptable replacement to tights. But it looks terrible! And Go Fug Yourself agrees with me lots.

Alright, now, second victims: The Quadra-Boobs. This is an affliction of both the young and old, though the old have been perpetrating the worst Fashion Crimes recently. Bras are great things, they hold your boobs in place. But they’ll only do a good job of it if you choose the right bra! Slack straps causing the boobs to head South, straps too tight making you look like a tied-up pork roast ready for the oven, or worst of all, cups too tight, causing major boob leakage above the cups and the dreaded Quadra-boob.

Nowadays, shops like La Senza do bra fittings for free, so there is no excuse. A good bra will give you a better posture, make movement a whole lot more comfortable, and make you look less fat by separating the belly roll and the boob roll. To every woman in the world, do yourself a favour – Go for a bra fitting, get a couple of new bras, and chuck out all the ill-fitting ones.

You’ll feel prettier for it!*

(* Assuming you’re not also wearing leggings, in which case you’ll need a whole new outfit probably.)

9 thoughts on “Dear Fashionistas (or Wannabes)

  1. ellie

    come on… the legging are god damn gorgeous! yeah, not the fashion the shorter, curvier figure- but what fashion is good for every figure? er… none! yeah, on soemt hey just look plain wrong, so wannabe model – but some people look fantastic, stylish and unique. yeah, they were better before the high street stole them, when legging were the quirky accessory… but even now they’ve become something even the timidest dresser can pull off, they still add falir to your boring skirts and dresses. give it break yeah?

  2. Vero


    Let me think about it for a minute… leggings, short stubby legs, supposedly quirky…

    Hmm nope. Still crap.

    But then, opinions are like asses, everyone’s got one… and none of them look good in leggings.

  3. Peps

    You cant beat a fat middle aged mum in leggings and a baggy, overhanging, faded “I Love Disney Land” T-Shirt.

    now thats fashion.

  4. Pingback: that canadian girl » Blog Archive » A Meme - It’s been a long time

  5. Ally

    “To every woman in the world, do yourself a favour – Go for a bra fitting”

    I like this post. It’s very funny considering I found it while googling where the hell in London I could get a proper bra fitting. I just read an article on Which? Online where they tested 75 fitters and they were all crap. Plua another article with similar results.
    I’ve been to La Senza and had a half interested kid guess with a tape measure so no that wasn’t much help either.
    There are no real bra fitters- that’s why 70% of women are wearing the wrong bra size!

  6. Laura

    I fully agree that leggings are terrible, absolutely terrible! the worst fashion item ever created! and now the legwamers? What are we now, an old eighties aerobics clip? did we not laugh at the horrible fashion of the eighties and constantly dis our mums about those horrible leggings? and now we endorse them?! its just people who dont actually have any idea of how to wear clothes and just are sheep to whats in store. but seriously, stay away from them if ur not 6 foot tall and anorexic which just makes it look like a truck could drive through ur legs and the wind might blow u over. an average human being has a wonderful body shape and can flatter themselves so much more with a skirt or a god damn proper pair of pants!

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