The Letter in the Pond

Recently, a friend of ours, Simon, moved to Over, just North of Cambridge, UK. He was moving to a lovely property, with a nice garden and a pond.

Simon wasn’t so keen on the pond though. It’s not very child friendly, and with two young ones running around the garden, he thought it would be safer to get rid of it.

A few buckets and hours of sweating later, Simon lifted the pond lining to discover a laminated piece of paper sitting at the bottom of the gaping hole that once was the previous owner’s pond.

Go to Flickr for the larger image

The letter in the pond

Whoever created this, come forward. You’re weird and you’re funny. And you’re creeping the hell out of us! 😉

Thanks to those who linked in to this post:

Update: For those who don’t want to read the image, here’s the full text. I waited for someone else to type it up, since I couldn’t be bothered – I think they call that crowdsourcing? 😉

10th July 2003

To whom it may concern:

If you are reading this then I can only assume that you have removed the pond under which this note was buried.

Of course, as I am not around at the moment, I am not in a position to comment on why you may have chosen to remove the pond and, it is fair to say, that there could be any number of reasons for doing so. I will not try to list those potential reasons right now but there could be quite a lot of them. One of the more bizarre reasons could be that the removal of the pond was the direct result of a bite on the ankle from a Wildebeest, but I shall not speculate.

Anyways, I would like you to be aware that the digging of this pond and it’s subsequent filling with water and stocking with fish and aquatic plants took a considerable amount of personal effort. It’s not just the digging of the hole you know (although clearly that is a major part), but also the consideration that had to be given to the sitting of the pond, its shape and size, its location close to a convenient electrical supply, etc etc etc.

I have to admit that I am a bit miffed about all this. You have just destroyed (yes, I know its a strong word to use but there are principles involved here) something that took me a long time to do. If I came along and destroyed something that it had taken a long time for you to do then I think you would be a bit miffed as well, so just think on that.

Enough of this. Just get on with what it is you think you are doing, you snivelling pond destroyer.

Oh, and by the way, I hope your head falls off.

More funny stuff on That Canadian Girl:

194 thoughts on “The Letter in the Pond

  1. Jaimesh Mistry

    Hahahaha, this is genius! The first time I read it, I was thinking WTF!! Also, who on earth would write this!?!? It looks like an article they’d feature on Diggnation.

    Also, promotion of blog articles on Twitter works really well! I saw this on your feed and was very intrigued.

  2. Matt

    ZOMG that’s an awesomely clever idea!
    We took out our front porch a few weeks ago and have been rebuilding a new one – I may have to put some type of witty note about how much work that project has been in the bottom before I lay the last set of bricks…

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  4. Name

    He seriously filled in a pond just because he has young kids? His poor, sheltered children. They will grow up to be boring and timid; they will not know or appreciate nature.

  5. Bloggrrl

    Wow, that’s weird–being angry about something before it has even happened! I would be so creeped out…but the entertainment value would definitely cancel out the creep factor.

  6. Dimble

    In removing wallpaper from a bathroom I came across a kid’s rendering of a treasure map on the wall. Since the house was built in the 1950’s and the map said it was from the 1700’s I safely ignored the idea to go looking for buried treasure. Seeing this make me want to leave a note for the generations…or a prank.

  7. Mark

    I wish I had thought of this when I built my pond. It was subsequently destroyed when we sold the house a few months(!!!) after it was finished.
    I still harbor intense anger for the “sniveling pond destroyer”.

  8. Julian

    I remember we had a pond to in our old garden and the ones who bought from us destroyed the pond because of their freakin little boy!!! Pond destroyers are bad people!

  9. Vero

    Ok, to those who complained about having to register to Flickr, I hadn’t realised you needed to be logged in to see the original size one.

    Now, stop whinging or your head will fall off!

  10. Pingback: Shane Richmond » ‘…by the way, I hope your head falls off’

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  12. Scilly Guy

    All you people complaining about people filling in ponds, and usually because they have kids, I hope you are joking, I mean the number of incidents of young children drowning in ponds, even ones that are only a foot deep are too numerous for parents to ignore, and if you are planning to sell your house, going through the effort of adding a pond you don’t even know if the buyers will like is just silly!

  13. Paul

    Oh, come now. It’s hardly productive to complain about the destroyal of a pond in a letter that can only be read after the fact.

  14. Pingback: Funniest… Note… EVAR. — bobbyfiend can has blog

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  16. Liz

    Seriously if he loved his pond so much he shouldn’t have sold the house – what a nutter!! Still it highly amused me 😉

  17. Denise

    *wink wink*

    It’s me, Vero! You didn’t recognize me in the header photo of my blog? (; Your posts are always great! I think you should hide a note on it that would appear if anyone ever tried to delete it…

  18. Ted Mielczarek

    Having just filled in a pond in my own backyard, I say to this note-writer: piss off. Ponds are great if you are really into fish care and pond maintenance, but if you’re not they’re just an extra chore. After mine got a large tear in the liner, I decided I wasn’t going to repair it and continue to put time into it, and now I have no pond.

  19. Jo

    It´s a freaking surprising pond letter. Imagine how many pondmen lives among us…… maybe they sould make a scarry movie called “The Pond”.
    cheers for the pondmen

  20. Jorb Jorbenson

    For the frakking children! must keep the children safe!

    sheltered little beasties won’t know what to do when adversity comes.

  21. washwords

    classic. I just wish i could see it a little better. not quite sure this fits but I’d send it to passive-agressive if I were you!

  22. ola

    this was one of the funniest reads i’ve had in a while!!!
    absolut genious… but

    what if they dug up the pond to make a bigger one… would the wish for a falling head still stand?

  23. Spelling Nazi

    I’ve noticed the use of the string of letters “whinging” several times on this site. I wanted to point out that Canadians generally spell it “whining”, along with the rest of the so-called modern English word, but then I did some checking; apparently whinging is the British/ Australian way of spelling “whining”. So I’ll just assume that you want it to be “whinging” since this domain is registered as a If you feel any love for me and my fellow grammar/ spelling Nazis; I’d greatly appreciate it if you’d use whining in the future. Your choice though since both are correct. Good day to you!

  24. Ludwig

    I can’t believe you get amused with such a stupid thing, there’s no authentic creativity in writing a letter like that.

  25. Ghost|BOFH

    I have to agree with several people here – the children are no reason to destroy a beautiful thing like a pond.

    That’s just obsessive parenting, and your children are going to grow to resent you and will dump you in the furthest away, convenient nursing home when you get old.

    Yes, we all know the risks of children drowning UNATTENDED in a swimming pool or other body of water. Should these parents ever decide to actually sit down and learn what parenting means, they may discover that once they have children, they are not supposed to go traipsing off to whatever party or social gathering or whatever they wish to do.

    They’re parents now. One of the works, one of them watches the children. If both work, you twats better be raking in enough money to hire a live-in nanny. Because children require constant supervision.


    By the way, I do sincerely hope your head falls off…and all of your spawns’ heads too.

  26. Pingback: Deadly Computer Blog » Blog Archive » Shunnn the Destroy of Ponds

  27. Vero

    Ok, to everyone who’s getting their knickers in a twist over someone’s decision to get rid of the pond, did it occur to you that the pond may not have been in a convenient spot, build properly with suitable liner or that Simon could just downright not be arsed with maintaining something like that?!

    #39: Ghost|BOFH in particular, not quite sure who pissed in your cornflakes but wow have you ever got issues. No one’s planning on leaving youngins completely unattended, but there’s far more child-friendly things to put in a garden.

    #38: Dear Spelling Nazi, aside from the “this is my blog, I’ll do whatever the hell I want”, I must say I far prefer the word “whinging” to “whining”. The British vocabulary is full of fantastic expressions like “knackered”, “can’t be arsed”, “bollocks” and “whinging”. I’ve embraced them completely after years of living here, and plan on continuing to do so in the future. So thanks for stopping by, now bugger off! 😉

    #32: Denise! Wicked, no I hadn’t put 2 and 2 together to realise it was you! Great to see you around, and will be in touch next time we visit home.

  28. Roger

    Um…Spelling Nazi – I think you’ll find that ‘whining’ is how you spell ‘whining’, and ‘whinging’ is how you spell ‘whinging’. In much the same way as ‘bus’ is spelled differently to, say ‘onomatopoeia’, what with them being completely different words and all…

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  30. Luna

    Wow. If I was this guy who drained the pond and found a note, I probably would wake up with nightmares and even put it all back together. Who knows…he might have buried his mother underneath the lining??

  31. Holly

    Whinging is whining… just spelled differently. I don’t see how this is such a hard concept to grasp?
    Personally I think “whinging” would be pronounced like “winging”, but that’s just me.

    Anyway, the note was very funny. Though I do think getting rid of the pond just because of his kids was kind of stupid. Watch your kids, and nothing bad will happen. And if it does, well, kids gotta get hurt sometimes… toughens them up 😉

  32. James

    Guys guys… as much as we all like ponds. The owner of the house was right to get rid of for the sake of the kids. Aside from drowning. Kids are attracted to water – all the time…. I mean all the time… they like to throw things in the water all the time… the would get wet EVERY time they went into the garden. Yes kids should be supervised. But should it be a chore for the parents to be able to put their children in their own garden? No. So best compromise is… get rid of the pond and allow the children the same freedom (more so) than what they are privy too in doors. Let them all enjoy the outdoors.

  33. Steve

    Whinge is pronounced – “Win” as in ughhh “win” and “ge” as in “ginger”.

    Teach your children to swim and keep the pond

  34. JERRY

    the note is a great idea and very tongue in cheek. Considering that, I cannot understand how anybody could possibly consider it in the slightest bit creepy. It’s a wry and humorous communication and nothing more. If you consider tis creepy then I feel sorry for you. Some may even call it paranoid !

  35. Tisi

    Wow way to flip out over a joke.
    Yes, I personally agree that it’s silly to remove it over children, but some people are just lazy parents.

    “Kids are attracted to water – all the time…. I mean all the time… they like to throw things in the water all the time… the would get wet EVERY time they went into the garden.”
    Umm… SOME kids are like that. Teach your kids to behave, raise them well. Teaching them to swim wouldn’t hurt. Tell them there’s a shark in there if you really want them not to ask to go in. I find it’s nice to raise kids to do fun things, but to know that they can’t always have their way.

    Whinging… a new word to me… I doubt I’ll be using it though. It sets off my spell check, which really annoys me.

  36. Lou

    Ghost/BOFH…….You obviously have no children. Come back and comment when you actually know you’re talking about you stupid little boy.

  37. ;oj

    I know a guy that went to clock (reduce) the mileage on his car. There was a sticker on the back of the clock that said
    “oh no not again”

  38. trog

    I prefer to spell whingeing with the e, as has been pointed out whinging reads too much like winging. And it’s not the same as whining, the former is nearer to grumbling where the latter is more nasal, IMO.


    How many of you are actually parents? Personally I prefer to have a garden where I don’t have to micromanage my children’s activities, which IMO is far more likely to leave them lacking in basic self-awareness and over-reliance on others. That said, it doesn’t necessarily mean I would remove a pond purely because I had children, I might find other ways of dealing with it. If I cared enough.

    As for the letter, I love it. Bravo for the forethought. Might just have to do something similar…

  39. Dee

    Uh, for those who supported keeping the pond, I just wanted to point out that is was a man-made hole, filled with plastic and probably no more than 3 ft in diameter. Hardly a national landmark. If Simon wanted to, he could make a brand spankin’ new one- indistinguishable from the first.

    What a great note. 😀

  40. Gary

    City people?
    Get rid of the pond for the sake of the kids.
    Yes lets cover over all lakes, rivers and then the oceans.
    But first lets put a note under each one to get some web time when they are dug up in the future.

    Great note.

  41. Vero

    Dee: Well said, I don’t know if people are imagining a pond the size of a small lake or what… But there’s no need to suffer the consequences of the previous owner going all Charlie Dimmock on the property.

    Didn’t expect to cause such a fuss!

  42. Whinging Pom

    Great idea, impressed that someone went to the trouble of typing and laminating the note on the off chance that it survived and was read while we still speak English in the UK.

    The pond may have been right where the trampoline had to go. Gardens are not that big in the UK, and we don’t have “yards”. It was probably the kids idea to fill it in. Ponds are boring. You are never allowed to play with them as they are dangerous, you’ll get dirty, and you’ll disturb the fish/frogs etc.

    Whinging is not the same as whining. 57-trog knows the difference. As he said it’s a nasal thing, so Brits whinge while dogs, and Americans whine. I’d like to think that Canadians whinge rather than whine but I suspect there are three camps, some that whinge, some that whine, and some that just go “pfwuh” in a psudogaulic way.

  43. Majoris

    That’s an awesome idea. I’m going to leave a creepy note like that in something when I leave my house, or car or something. It probably won’t have [sort of] death threats in it though, I could be arrested. >_<

  44. Sapphire

    First, highly amusing. And if I make any changes to my home, I’m totally putting in notes. *imagines a lovely note underneath the new carpeting*

    Secondly, the people who are complaining about filling in the pond are speaking out of both sides of their mouth. Complaining about over-parenting (filling in the pond) and then saying it would be ok if they don’t underparent (meaning, watching their child like a hawk 24/7) Yes, teach them there’s a shark in there, so the four year old will go try and catch it some day. Watch them every moment they are outdoors with you, never let them out of your sight, and heaven forfend you should ever get a phone call or a visitor while your child is out back, because that 1 minute you turn your back is definitely so heinous of a crime that your child deserves to die. /sarcasm

    Taking a pond out to protect a 9 year old? Over the top and obsessive. Taking one out to protect a child under 5? That’s called being responsible. Children under 5 have poorly developed impulse control so even if they know they shouldn’t, know they would get beaten within an inch of their life, know that the world will end if they go near that pond, if their ball lands in it, or if there’s a pretty butterfly flying around it, they literally will not be able to stop themselves from going after it. And yes, it is irresponsible to have a pond, river or lake on your property with a very small child without a proper fence around it. Your job as a parent is to protect them from things that will kill them before they can handle them themselves. I’m sure all the whinging and whining (because several posters have gotten very close to whining) people, if they ever have children, will never use child locks, will keep easy open medicines in baby’s reach and teach them it’s candy, will leave 2nd story windows open and easily accessible (maybe hang a toy out there to reach for) and will be otherwise paragons of modern parents.


    I care not one way or the another about the pros or cons of filling in water features and the potential impact upon the demise of one’s offspring, nor am I concerned regarding the potential transformation of said spawn into the walking infirmed through excessing coddling.

    I prefer to return to the original topic of this thread, that being: who authored the note, and why?

    At the risk of asking the obvious, WHO was the owner of the property on or around the 10th of July, 2003?

    You know the location, you know the date. This isn’t exactly the riddle of the locked room.

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  47. Britishman

    Whinging is pronounced “win-jing”. Whining and whinging are two seperate words, both of which are used by the British and Australians. Both words have the same meaning, ie complaining in an annoying manner, but while whining is the correct formal word, whinging is more informal and humourous.

  48. Britishman

    ….oh, and for those of you who enjoyed the humourous style of the writing in the letter, you might also like to check out the works of Danny Wallace, who is a rather funny chap, and who I wouldn’t surprised to discover was the writer of the letter.

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  50. Kiwi

    Whinging Pom Says:
    “The pond may have been right where the trampoline had to go. Gardens are not that big in the UK, and we don’t have “yards”. It was probably the kids idea to fill it in. Ponds are boring. You are never allowed to play with them as they are dangerous, you’ll get dirty, and you’ll disturb the fish/frogs etc.”

    That never stopped me playing in the pond when I was young, but the trampoline was more fun. (Gardens are much bigger in New Zealand)

  51. jr

    I agree with the letter writer. Supervise your kids, teach them water safey and even put up safeguards. Unless it was an eyesore, it was ridiculous and bordering on self-vandalism to tear it up.

  52. annoying american guy

    Would have been cooler if the previous owner was found under the pond with the letter attached to him

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  54. Bobbi

    Way to take a fun story and twist it into a not so fun story. I for one love the guy who left the note. Work is hard, you need to piss and moan to someone…even if its not read for awhile. And all the spelling corrections, great! I rarely spell words one way so imagine how pleased I was. Can I just say “Only the Brits”. Got to love you guys.

  55. Bobbi

    Oh, and by the way, if I’m ever at a party trying to tell a funny story and one of you interject…well I just hope more of your body falls off…not just your head. 🙂

  56. Pingback: iPood:Blag » Blog Archive » You Snivelling Pond Destroyer

  57. Pingback: ECTOPLASMOSIS! » Now I am become Simon, the destroyer of ponds.

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  59. mitch

    the note shows a great deal of foresight. Obviously, the note’s author could never have had any connections with the Bush administration.

  60. Marco Von Zabadak

    I’m afraid I did a naughty thing. When I was visiting a set of caves on a school trip, I noticed that the walls were made of soft clay. Giggling to myself, um, like a schoolboy, I used my finger to draw a crude stick rendition of a UFO, hoping that archaeologists woudl discover it and proclaim that space aliens discovered Devon! Did this happen? I’m still waiting for the Channel 5 special…!

  61. Randall

    To you who condemn the man for trying to prevent his child from drowning; think for one minute what you would feel holding your lifeless child in your arms. I saw a woman have to do that once and given a shovel and a mountain I’d fill in the ocean to prevent it from happening again.

    PS. Summer’s here, in ER’s they call it the drowning season.

  62. bex

    having dug a pond, through 3 bloody feet of building rubble, last year I understand the authors feelings entirely, sweat, tears and not an small amount of blood are invested in it! As and when i breed the pond stays, I shall get a blacksmith to fashion me a childproof grid for the top of it for until they’re old enough to climb back out again and appreciate how amazingly cool frogs and newts are :O)

  63. Bdox

    The truth is, the note was intended to flip the person out badly enough to restore the pond because there are bodies beneath it, yet undiscovered.

  64. sandie

    for # 62 who said …”I’d like to think that Canadians whinge rather than whine but I suspect there are three camps, some that whinge, some that whine, and some that just go “pfwuh” in a psudogaulic way”…

    I can only respond with “eh?” as any Canadian would!

  65. i8dbbq

    I can just see the next bigbudgetwewillsueyouifyoudownloadourcrap blockbuster….The Pond. The backyard was never the same. With Ben Affleck as Pond Scum, Angelina Jolie as Lily Pad, Liam Neeson as ‘The Liner’ and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver!

  66. David

    Oh dear. I thought I was the only crazy one. Damn.

    In 2003 I, in a fit of complete insanity, had one of my bathrooms completely gutted and remodeled. I’m afraid I had watched too many of those ‘trading space’ type shows and had delusions of a splendid re-do at a low cost. That worked out about as you would expect it to. Anyway, I digress.

    At the time, I was in a much small minority of people of who didn’t much like George W Bush. That group has grown much larger nearly ever day since but at the time I was afraid my reason and sanity would be lost in the bizarro world that George Bush was attempting to create.

    I wish I had taken a photo of it, but before a wall was sealed behind tile, I handwrote a note that said something along the lines of:

    Attention People of the Future: Today is April 3, 2003. Not everyone in this country thinks George Bush is a good President. In fact, some of us think he’s a insane ass clown. Just wanted you to know that. Don’t believe what you read about our time. Not everyone is buying his line of bullshit.

  67. Pingback: Pond scum | wongaBlog

  68. Pingback: The Letter in the Pond « Jake Savage

  69. Ana

    Sheltered?! Can you imagine the children in therapy as adults, clutching a tissue to their eyes as they explain ‘YES! I was never prepared for the harsh reality of life, because my… my… PARENTS…. FILLED IN A POND!’ *sobs*

    How did an innocent entry about someone’s hilarious note about a pond (probably intended as a joke) turn into an incitement to attack the author’s parenting choices?

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  71. Kev

    Very funny. I agree that you should have kept the pond. You could have said to your kids: “Don’t fall in the pond.” However, if you hadn’t destroyed the pond you wouldn’t have found the letter and brightened up my day.

  72. Jen

    anything you do to your house is for yourself, and why should you care what the next people do with it? you’re not there to admire it anymore.

  73. Bob

    I like this, on a similar note, there is a barn conversion in East Anglia that, should anyone care to remove the plaster board on the ceiling of the hall/dining room, they will find a selection of random swear words and ‘pliosophical’ dawbings with 2ft high letters.

    I can’t imagine how I know that.

  74. Eri

    That was awesome! I would have loved to have found that letter, despite the imminent threat of my head falling off and rolling away. I love a good pond, but it would have been worth destroying it just to get that letter.

    I’m surprised to see so much confusion about “whinge”. I’m 3rd generation American, and we were always told as kids not to whinge. And, yes, whining is definitely more nasal, and more annoying.

  75. Steveb

    Yep, ponds can be a hazard, and tragedys do happen.

    But — From age 3-10 I lived next door to a farm pond, and the stream went through the backyard. I had moderate supervision. More at 3 much less at 10. I wasn’t attracted to the water everyday. But I was on many days. And yes, I fell in sometimes, usually into the stream. Most of the neighbor kids and relatives kids did too.

    And we’re all still here, most of us with a decent understanding of nature from handling and watching it firsthand.

  76. Pwll

    Long live the pond and may the pond destroyers camels ever be infertile.

    Come the next drought I shall lie in my pond and laugh as the pond destroyers go mad from thirst.

  77. MinnieAddz

    Well, we have had a pond in the back garden since before I was born and a perfectly good child protective grid was made by my dad and put over the top until such time my siblings were old enough to not jump in the water.

    And the pond in our garden is at the bottom of some steps, not the best place in the world. Why couldn’t the guy get a grid? I know from my own experience how hard it is to dig and fill a pond.

    It took forever.

    The person that filled in the pond sickens me.

  78. Jose

    I can imagine 13 murder victims buried under the pond, and the note a final futile effort to elude their discovery by the killer.

    Oh, and you misspelled whining.

    Just kidding! har har, but your response to the errant message about it was very douchy. Someone noting the difference in spelling in a polite way doesn’t deserve to be called a nazi. Way to use the only major exposure you’ve received to point out that you’re a dickhead!

    You even note you’ve borrowed the terms from your Britain visit a la some imbecile like Madonna that thinks British quirks can make up for being daffy.

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  80. Chris Blalock

    Most backyards in Florida, where I grew up, have swimming pools in them. Heck, I had to be pulled out by my mom after I walked into on as a toddler. Kids who are too young to learn to swim are probably too young to be unsupervised, and I think that’s why most people are saying that pulling up the pond is a waste of effort and/or bad parenting.

    Give your kids skills (IE swim lessons) instead of removing obstacles (IE backyard ponds). I would have missed out on many many fun things if I didn’t know how to swim or if I was scared of the water (Looking at you, Mr. Shark-in-the-pond person).

    As for them being boring….I wanted one badly enough to dig two (In red Georgia clay, no less) when I was twelve.

  81. Kelly

    Whenever I build one of my dollhouses, I always seal a small note in the attic or under a piece of flooring. They’ll probably never be found, but it’s fun anyway. And they’re nice notes, by the way.

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  83. Ruth

    We spent one summer replacing the roof on a house we lived in around 1988–from the rafters up. After we were almost done I signed all the family members names and drew some doodles on the eaves. Wonder if someone will find it some day and wonder about the nut that did it! We put on a pretty sturdy roof so short of it blowing off in a tornado I doubt if it will ever see the light of day. (This was in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.)

  84. Introspectre

    I must say, it sounds exactly like something I would both write and do, except for the bit about being miffed and hoping their head falls off. I think I would have just waxed poetic about WHY someone might dig it up, allowing for improbability drives, etc, and probably tried to figure out out to make little hoofy scratch marks to signify that it was also written in wildebeest, in case the wildebeest itself dug it up after twisting it’s own ankle. Just gotta cover all the angles.

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  86. Pete

    I know everyone has a right to state their opinion – and this is the internet where people spout opinions continually, but when it comes to kids and parenting, if you arent a parent yourself, then your opinion doesnt hold much weight.

  87. Lamont B Dumont

    Hey Spelling Nazi – “whinging” and “whining” are two separate activities. Whining is more active and protestational. Whinging is more passive & sniveling. Me old gray-haired mother constantly berated us as children to “stop your incessant whinging and whining”.

    Oh, and those shallow plastic lined things aren’t ponds, they’re puddles.

  88. FredEx

    I love the story. When my wife and I dig our pond deeper this year I’ll make up something like that to put under the new lining.

    Screw the Spelling Nazi/s. I hate when my US counterparts, especially, get on the net correcting others, many times going after folks for which English may not be their first or even second language. Being so self centered and not knowing others have words we don’t know and then getting into slang there is a lot they don’t know. Those Nazi’s are oft mono-language, mono-braincell twits which need to try to be superior in some way to make up for other things they lack in life, such as a personality. They make the rest of us US folk look bad. Bugger off you bloody wankers!

  89. Paul

    having helped a neighbour dig a pond and build a rockery, I side with the letter writer. the pond was at the end of the garden. when neighbour had a child, we put a fence across. the child was always supervised anyway and trained not to climb the fence. no problem. you could always put a mesh cover over the pond too.

  90. Bull3t

    Damn, I have just created a pond where I live, I really should have done this as well; I even have a plastic ‘time-capsule’ box that I bought some time and have not gotten round to using it yet. I will remember this though.

  91. amber

    this is so funny!
    as a little kid i almost drowned in a swimming pool but it taught me how to be careful. i now love to swim so obviously it didn’t affect me so much that i was scarred for life.
    i think the note idea is great!!! i think i’ll do one. maybe not as threatening but just as funny. for the people who are very strongly opinionated on here, i love to see the different ideas but seriously, take a chill pill. it’s not that big of a deal that you have to go “yelling” at people just for their opinions.
    But still, i love the article!

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  93. Nara

    This is so great!

    I can completely understand his frustration and find it totally founded.

    I think this calls for a petition to re-fill the pond!

  94. EmmDee

    This makes me wonder what will go through the mind of the fella who tears up the porch my family laid in ’92. As filler for the concrete we threw in naked Barbie dolls, novelty toys from Spencer’s, buttons and old cassette tapes. 🙂

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  96. Keelhaul

    Wouldn’t it be nice to comment and read comments on something you thought funny or interesting on a web site…without having to scroll through miles of babbling about which punctuation is correct, or whether or not it’s fake, or arguments over who knows better (or more) on how to do something or how something should be done acocording to blah blah blah blip bleep bloop!!
    The letter is creative and funny….I too, would like to do something similar…….And probably will. Cool story.

  97. malcandcookies

    LOL, funny note.
    damn spelling nazi! GO AWAY! noone likes a nazi…of anykind!
    (unless its a chocolate nazi or a cake nazi) well all the nazi’s are burning (or freezing) in hell now. …damn nazis

  98. malcandcookies

    LOL, funny note.
    stupid spelling nazi! GO AWAY! noone likes a nazi…of anykind!
    (unless its a chocolate nazi or a cake nazi) well all the nazi’s are burning (or freezing) in hell now. …damn nazis.
    (i posted this twice)

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  100. Atropos

    I can’t believe that some of the loonier voice on this blog are suggesting that a child should be supervised every bloody minute of the day. Nothing could be more harmful to a a child’s sense of independence and adventure than an anxious helicopter parent hovering over their play ready to sweep them up the first time they look like stepping too close to a 3 foot ornamental pond.

    Better to remove or fence off the more obvious dangers in their backyard (ponds, wells, blades, woodchippers, roads) and retreat a few feet away, to give them a genuine sense of adventure and exploration and risk taking – and leave pond-dipping and catching shrimps for special, supervised expeditions.

  101. Varika

    While the letter is quite amusing, I personally have to say that I would have filled in the pond, too. Though not so much for the sake of the kids. Standing water attracts mosquitoes, and however lovely a pond may be, I’d like to be able to step outside after 3 in the afternoon without having to resort to offensive scents or a week of bathing in antihistamines.

    Besides, it’s Simon’s pond now. He can do what he wants with it. Particularly since, you know, it was small enough to empty in the space of a few hours.

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  103. Aaron

    “…I hope your head falls off.” is the best way ever to end a letter to someone.

    I plan on using this one day.

  104. poo

    and to add to that….hmmm i cant seem to remember….

    OH! and dont forget the classic british words like wanker CHEERIO and KNICKERS goodbye everybody
    and have a wonderful day


  105. Robert

    Yeh, if your kid drowns in a pond, it’s Darwinism at work. I’d have kept the pond, and put piranhas…or razor blades.

  106. Steve

    Actually Whining and Whinging are different words in English English. Whining refers to using an annoying high pitched tone of voice to complain, while whinging (or wingeing) involves making tedious, unjustifed and ignorant complaints (in any tone of voice or media).
    It follows that Spelling Nazi is whinging. Whether he/she/it is whining I can’t tell without an audio file.
    Hope this helps

  107. Peter Ellis

    Clearly what Simon needs to do is dig another pond somewhere else and transplant the note to under that one, along with an additional note detailing the journey. Whoever fills in the second pond has to create a third, and so on. If you break the chain, your head really will fall off. Or perhaps you’ll be bitten on the ankle by a Wildebeest – it’s not quite clear 🙂

  108. wigglywoo

    If pond maker dude didn’t want the pond to be at the mercy of someone else, he shouldn’t have sold the house. Pretty darn simple that.

  109. Felix

    The comments on this are almost funnier than the letter! Get over yourselves, folks, it was a funny idea someone apparently add when they built the pond. Stop taking it so seriously.

  110. SheriB

    This is absolutely fabulous!!! I would love to have found something like that it’s so funny.
    Makes me want to dig a pond and leave a letter under it!

  111. Celia Pleete

    Hahahahahah! Kudos to the letter-writer, though I rather wish he had written it 50 years ago instead of only 5. I do think ponds are rather dangerous, but why didn’t they just fence it in? Or tell their children to stay away from the pond?

  112. Jacob

    That is both, an entertaining piece of writing, as well as quite a sad one, as the writer would clearly be hurt upon learning of the upheaval of the pond.

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  115. Odessa

    Cute, but I do have doubts to it’s authenticity. The person wrote it as if they were describing all the work that went into the building and caring for the pond. Considering you’d have to remove it to write the note… I doubt it was real. Still… cute idea.

  116. Hannah

    Ha! At first it was all about the note and then as I read ‘Anyways’ in the typed-out version and felt compelled to reply and say ‘the guy who wrote it is English, we don’t really say ‘anyways’ – see note from pond’, I found I’d been beaten to it by the whole whingey whiney debate about whingeing and whining. Fanstastic. I love the internet.

  117. SparksFly

    My ex & I put all kinds of things between the studs in our unfinished downstairs before we put up the drywall. Beer bottles, a barbie doll head, a pair of cheap sunglasses, a half smoked joint (sometimes still regret that when I’m out of herb), a bullet, a CD of some of our favorite songs, a picture of us making goofy faces, an unopened tampon and I can’t even remember it all, frankly. We chose the wall most likely to be knocked down by someone who might re-model and we sold our house 2 years ago. I still wonder sometimes if the wall is standing and if any subsequent owners will tear it down. I like the pond digger. I hope one day he buys my old house & enjoys the beer & the joint while giggling over the rest of the stuff.

  118. BillinDetroit

    I read through a dozen or so responses before I gave up looking for anyone who caught the humor of the letter. Did I stop short?

    A few years ago I had gone to great pains to put a couple plum trees on an earth island in my front yard so that the neighborhood kids could steal the plums and have good memories of growing up in our neighborhood. Then circumstances (a fugly divorce) forced me to move.

    It wasn’t long before the new owner had let everything go to pot, cut down the large tree in the backyard that gave such great shade and just generally tormented the place. Depressing.

    I like the sense of humor, the wry resignation exposed in the letter. It fits.

    New owners have different needs from a place and different visions for what ‘home’ looks like. I made changes … the person behind me made changes. The person who follows her will do likewise. That’s life. You want permanent, build a pyramid.

  119. Rexmo

    I myself have build a large beautiful fish pond over 10 years ago. This was long before I considered being a parent. I now have a beautiful 18 month old boy. I would NEVER consider removing my pond. My son will learn to be careful around water and he is attended when in the yard. If he falls in he will learn faster. Having children is NO excuse for destroying something that has provided so many hours of beauty in so many peoples’ lives. I only wish I had put a note under my ponds liner… To creep out some marauding over protective idiot… I would probably make a story about a ghost that would come and haunt you and THEN make your head fall off!

  120. HP

    That note was utter brilliance. If I ever renovate or clean my apartment, I will slip a note in.

    Actually, when my room mate and I moved into our first apartment, we found a note folded up and tucked away in one of the closets. It was a love letter to Elvin from Rommie, detailing pregnancies, the INS, abusive relationships, and undying love. I posted it on my site, which you can see here.

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  124. Violetta

    Dear God, you people are CRAZY! Why do you care if he got rid of the pond or not?! It’s his house he can do whatever he want to it. If he was renovating inside and had knocked down a wall and found a note in there you wouldn’t all start saying “Put the wall back!”. What’s the deal with the pond?!

    P.S.: Ponds are smelly and attract mosquitoes!

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  126. Gingerpig

    I would just like to point out that I have had no incidents of children falling in ponds in gardens, although this may be related to the fact that I have no children, no ponds and no gardens. And to date, no notes.

  127. Dave

    That is a brilliant letter. I might do the same next time I wallpaper a room. Write a note on the plaster letting these people know the effort I made to put that paper on the wall!! lol

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  129. Anne Green

    Reminds me of when I was little – my Dad had to redo a floor in our house. Before he put the new pine planks down he gave us all permanent markets so we could draw on the floor. We traced our bodies, drew pictures of our house and pets, wrote silly poems etc.

    Since then when ever a floor comes up or a wall comes down before we cover it up again we leave something there. Pictures, notes etc. I love imagining that someday someone will find it.

    I hope they frame it and keep it with the house. Maybe they have a picture of the pond as well…

  130. Derm

    Dig this dig at the future undigger of the pond. Note in the transcriptionm it’s probably “siting” rather than “sitting” of the pond.

  131. astro

    Hello…this was meant to be funny. Obviously, the person who wrote it meant it as a joke. So, all of you who are “creeped out” by this have absolutely no sense of humor, along with the others who are arguing about the pros and cons of taking the pond out because he has children.

    It’s a joke, people. Lighten up.

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