The Theory of Passing Time by Pearl

“Have you noticed that time on a Saturday, due to the fact that you are suppose to be relaxing with said time, moves at double the speed? Which, when calculated with Pearl-based logic, means that you have been cheated out of half of your alloted time for relaxation.

Bastards!

Anyways, after much useless puttering around the apartment, I finally drag myself down to tiny exercise room in my building.

Contary to the typical speed of time on a Saturday (as stated above), when you are out of shape and on an exercise bike, time goes at 1/4 of the speed. And if said exercise bike’s seat kills your ass, time goes at 1/8 of the speed.”